How do you ....Part 9, A whole new world.
For the past five years that i was overseas, i was almost so certain that i prefer caucasian, as compare to asians, as compare to chinese. Reason being? Was it really because of the thought of "whatever foreigners posses would be better than ours?" not really. not necessarily. Be patient, dont jump to any conclusion before you even finish what i wrote.
I somehow believe, and have seen, with my own eyes, that, yes, Caucasians can sometimes be such a critique that their words are sharp, so straight forward that breaks your heart and make you want to cry. However, it is to that extend that, despite being really harsh on one hand, they can be very open and kind on the other. You have absolute freedom of doing things of your choice as long as you don’t disturb others, and keep it all to yourself. 1 thing that i know about Caucasians is that, despite a person that weighs 150kgs, three times my size, would have no problem finding someone who loves him/her, holding hands, arm in arm walking on the street. Neither do they(at least not majority of them) pick partner base on her superficial outward looking, her face, her figures nor how much property her parent possess and how much she is going to inherit from them.
As a result of that, deep down in my heart, it was almost certain that, I would say no to any Asians, any Chinese that comes close to me. Call me a biased if you want, too bad that my experience tell me most Asian men prefer having mistress, and women are suppose to just take it as it is a norm, and gulp it down. Deep down, I know very well, I can never share my partner with some one else. Hence, it strengthens my belief and trust in Caucasians.
Till two weeks ago, I met this guy. He is supposed to be an internal auditor from parent company of the company I am working for. I didn’t bother turning up for the internal audit briefings as I was too occupied with all the month end closing transactions and stuff. Not only that, without knowing which auditor will be screening me and my work, I postpone the appointment with them one after another...it is not that I refuse to cooperate, forgive me, when u have to be in charge of three countries transaction, sitting in a region office rushing for closing,u have no spare time for anything else, and u would know what I mean by then if u were, ever, to be in my position. Finally, it came to a stage which I can no longer postpone it. I was nervous, very nervous, indeed. Despite joining the company for just a couple of months and trying to do my best, I wasn’t sure if I have had the entire circle of task complete step by step all according to policy. What's worse is, I am the only one who has the guts to say no to the internal audit briefings, I have totally no idea of what the internal auditors' expectations..On top of that company has been preparing for this audit for months and it was so bad and the entire company is highly tensed that the moment the phrase "internal auditor" came out of any of the fella worker's mouth; it is bad enough to make everyone on the dining table lose their appetite and want to get back to work immediately. Hence, similarly, I was tensed, and not sure of how I can get through this. Due to all mentioned above, I didn’t have a very good impression of all internal auditors. GIven all that, when local ICM told me that internal auditor will be interviewing me in few minutes, and in order to help me ease up, he said " well, u can start chatting with him first given that he is quite handsome...and who knows, u know" and gave me a wink after t hat. I can’t be bothered with what he said as all I wanted at that point in time is i want my 2 hours back if possible,so I can concentrate on the closing.
The internal auditor, is nice, and humble. Somehow, clumsy I suppose. Coz, when he saw me, he firstly asked me to check for him if the ICM is around (as ICM liaise with internal control manager and internal auditors get all appointment fixed via ICM) he didn’t realize I am the worker he is suppose to be screening that day. As a result of waiting for local ICM's return from lunch, he asked if I could check for him if this girl is around. I go like, "er, I'm that girl that u meant, what's up?"
I get both the local office Internal Control Manager and the South East Asia regional Internal Control Manager to sit in with me, in the audit process. All I coul d say is, time flies..And two hours seem to just, vanished within a blink of eyes. I remember him, as polite, and humble, keep apologizing that I have a very slow student (coz he is learning the entire process or my role).Another plus point is, he has got very good sense of humour!
when the colleague at work that gets along with me the best work ask me who interviewed me, I mentioned his name, my colleague went as if she cant believed it, and said, "that's unfair, how can u be getting him while I don’t. I reckon he is quite handsome." I just can’t help wondering if we had been in a hunk competition or what? Why everyone is keep mentioning that he is handsome while I don’t find him attractive at all? So I told my colleague off and said, well, he is not that handsome after all, he is somewhat like my ex.
“If your ex is as handsome, why did u break up?"
"Must I get along well with him just because he is good looking?" what sort of ridiculous metrology is that?
I still bumped into this particular internal auditor every now and then subsequently when he came into our office to retrieve other documents. I can see that he tried very hard to be friendly and to strike a conversation first whenever he saw me, telling me how's the latest progress of screening my work..Every time he does that, I am so nervous that, as if I have not located my hands and feet properly. Last Friday, he and his colleague came into our office again. Given that they are in the front office while I am in the back, we won’t be able to see each other. I can’t seem to concentrate on work at all. And can’t help wondering if I should make excuses to go to the front office. However, I tried really hard, to calm myself down. Thinking that given that i have already resigned, I shouldn’t be, and won’t have to deal with them anymore. What more could I ask for. I shall, better off, concentrate on whatever I am doing, and finish them off nicely, before I leave. However, due to one occasion when I was getting my print out from the printer, ICM that is located from the front office came into the back office to spoke to one of my colleagues. I caught, this internal auditor, peeking into the back office, and quickly look away when he saw me getting print out from the printer, and if I am not mistaken, his face grown really red.
I finally gave up, left my station, get the guts, and went to the front office, telling myself, if I am fated to see him, I will. otherwise, forget it. I take the opportunity of taking some post it sticker from the receptionist. I can see, the way, the internal auditor's eyes glow when he sees me walking towards the front office..and the way he say hi, and greetings warmly, maintaining his good sense of humor(definitely not x rated jokes). and, I pretend , as if I didn’t go there to see him, but concentrate on getting the post it, he came over to strike a conversation, just as friendly and as polite as he could ever be.
Given that it is long weekend this week, i cant help wondering where would he be , what would he be doing this entire weekend..where is he staying? what is he doing? is he single? can i have the honour of touring him around here in the city that i am suppose to be familiar with?
those that who drink, u realise that, for the sake of simplicity, we can basically break wine into two types. First, u get knock out as soon as u taste it, eventually, u get drunk. 2nd, u dont feel a thing when u first drink the wine, but subsequently, when the effect kicks in, you can run but you cant hide. If this internal auditor were to be wine, he is definitely the latter.
I dunno how this is going to end. I thought i wont have time for all this rubbish, nor have i thought of wanting all this. Would it end as how i wish it would be? Would i get a chance to know him better? so what if i do? what happened if i dont. well, i might keep asking myself why for the rest of my life pondering if there is a chance.
Bless me god. I wish i can be a better person because of him. I want to be a better person because of him. If i could , i wish i can get to know him better, perhaps just a lunch session. I shall, take my mind off everything as soon as i know he is taken. but would my wish be granted? Why is it a whole new world? Coz i have never thought, i would have a crush on an asian, a chinese again. he is, by all means, a miracle.god bless ed.
(growing nuts at this wee hours. 3:30am 3rd May 2004)
