One year anniversary.. yes..it has been almost a year since the day i departed a familiar foreign land, and returned to my home country.
HOwever, it has been exactly a year, from where we ended everything.
I did not intend to keep everything in mind, and given my current conditions and responsibility that i bear, i have no leisure of keeping those things in mind. HOwever, it seems like i have planted myself a land mine-- when i flipped the desktop calendar from august to september, there you are, your name, clearly marked on your date of birth; which is also, one year in exact from our graduation date, which is something you intentionally and carefully avoided.
i thought i could have kept myself so busy that i would never wanna review nor dig out the history. i thought i would leave them till when i grew stronger, when i no longer have fear facing them. bizarelly, the website that i used to save large amount of your photo, sent me a reminder saying if i do not activate the account, all the photos would be deleted.
Perhaps that's a blessing in disguise after all? those old days, those memories, are no longer needed. THose mates, are now busy with their very own lives...J's still helping with family business, F is getting ready to marry his gf, next year, or perhaps the year after next after leaving one of the greatest corporate bank.N still surviving on unemployment subsidy..while R, heard that he landed himself in the police force.while you, as far as i last heard, you were still in the army, serving national service. strange huh. well,i suppose, that's part of life. the best part of life is that you could never predict what's gonna happen next, as what N once told me. Who would have figured out this would be what we are facing after uni? and who would ever predict when would we have reunion again?
after all, would that be necessary?
I never thought so much is changed within a year. i hope, i am no longer as naive and gullible as i am when we were all still in uni.
it is undeniable that whenever those memories coming back to haunt me, it gives my stomach and mind an uncomfortable flip. not to say that it is a very severe one, but i would occasionally miss, the lay out of the city, how well structured it is and how rarely we would ever have traffic jam back then, the freshness of air and weather, the cooling seabreeze that sweep through your face when you take a morning walk to get your paper from the deli around the corner.
but with that drinking smoking and gambling till late habit of yours, i wonder, if you were ever conscious at 7am in the morning. i am..pretty much..doubtful of its ever existence.
It has been somewhat an unpleasant experience, to learn to let go of what we possess. but, after all, what do we really possess in life? apart from memories. " bring nothing but memory, leave nothing but footstep".
did i tell you, well, of course i did not, given the record that i have stopped emailing n contacting you since early of the year. anyway, one of my ex colleague in the present company would be furthering studies in Edinburgh from Sept 2004 and onwards. I cant help wondering, how would she be like in one year's time. would she have the same experience as what we have shared?
would she be encoutering the same reverse culture shock? how would she handle it at the end of the day? would she be glad to be back to home country at last? or would it be like mine, that regretfully, and without a 2nd choice but to come back, unwillingly? or, would life has as such a great impact on her as compare to what i had in the first place? after all, she is only staying there for 1 year while i had five.
taking this opportunity to wish you happy birthday, and happy 1st anniversary.
A bientot.
Au revoir.
*******************************************************************************if you were to ask me what is the most difficult question, throughout the past one year that ppl had ever ask me..it would be, what i have had lately, during one of the company reunion with countries representatives from all over the region and head quarter that :-
"since you have stayed in Australia for so long, why wont you stay there? why did u come back?"
how i wish i could snap back at the person that ask that question. you think i would love to, dying to come back to this filthy, rude, stuff with corruption and crynonism country? why wont u ask the brainless australian government why do they only take in those sons and daughters who has got filthy rich father that can afford them any sum of investment.
at the end of the day, i can only give her a fragile smile, n say, well, god knows.
