语法错误,语言不连贯,表达不地道的地方希望高手们找的越多越好.
Good morning sir and madam,I’m Jianglin from Shandong Provins.It’s my pleasure to be here in front of you to introduce myself.I’m now studying in Grade3 in No.1 middle school of my hometown and my senior high period will be accomplished soon in this summer.
About my character, I can’t describe it well, but generally speaking ,i am a hard working student especially do the things I am interested in. and I am optimistic and confident. Sometimes i prefer to stay alone, reading, listening to music, but i am not lonely, In my spare time,I often go shopping with my friends,surf on the Internet and do some sports,such as running,table tennis and roller-skating. I even got the 4th prize in the 1500-meter race in my school sports meeting,which is a very glorious memmory.But now since I’m faced with National College Entrance Examination,I can’t spend too much time doing sports.But this busy life has also taught me how to balance between study and entertainment.Also I love English very much.I often write compositions to improve my witten ability .but i know my english is not good enough,I still need to make an effort.
This is a brief introduction of myself.At last I really look forward to being admitted and becoming part of the NUS team. Thank you very much.
參考答案:Good morning，(改成ladies and gentlemen),I’m Jianglin from Shandong Provins.It’s my pleasure to be here (删in front of you去，重复) to introduce myself.I’m now studying in Grade3 in No.1 （middle？senior吧） school of my hometown and my senior high period will be accomplished soon in this summer.
Talking about my character,（删I can’t describe it well，but generally speaking 去,外国人不接受这种说法)I am diligent,open ,optimistic and confident. I work hard especially (when) doing the things I am interested in. Sometimes I prefer to stay alone, reading, listening to music, but i am not (lonely最好换成bookish书呆子气的), In my spare time,I often go shopping with my friends,surf on the Internet and do some sports,such as running,table tennis and roller-skating. I even got the 4th prize in the 1500-meter race in my school sports meeting,which is a very glorious memmory.But now since I’m faced with National College Entrance Examination,I have to spend less time on sports.But this busy life has also taught me how to balance the study and entertainment.Also I love English very much.I often write compositions to improve my written ability .but my english is not good enough,I still need to make an effort.
This is a brief introduction of myself.At last I am really looking forward to being admitted and becoming part of the NUS team. Thank you very much.
总的来说，文章思路清晰（最好分几断），也看得出来运用了不少词汇来彰显文采（这两点，高考作文要保持下去），但好像句式比较单一，I 用的太多了。还有Chinglish也有不少。建议你多看看别人的文章，做阅读的时候留意一下，尽量多模仿。
愿君高考顺利！
