When people asked me if i had a boyfriend, i always say yes, definitely and obviously i had one. I mean, a boy who i have been with for almost three years, physically, mentally, matter-of-factly is my boyfriend. But...for a moment, a inner voice told me NO,HE IS NOT!.
I am a quite decent girl i believe or i used to believe so until I fell in love with him. He is a mature, knowledgeable, rational, strategical, humorous smart guy with a high education and a intellectual family background. But for God's sake, his so and so backgrounds are definitely not the bottom line for me to choose the right candidate. What's more important is his unique personality and his big "knowledge-based system" which can never bores you with monotonous topics. At the beginning, i told myself that it is, i found the one, though he is absoltely not a goodlooking man, but what the hell i need a handsome face for? But, i was wrong, although i don't need that piece of skin, man needs it!
Never think you are pretty until you get the cert from your boyfriend, i didn't get it because i am not as perfect as he wished. He wants me to be the best among his relatives,his peers, not only looking but also career maybe because he think he deserves a flawless girlfriend. Career, yes, anyway that is for my own good. Looking? yes if any chances for me to be reproduced. That is the first time i felt distracted and diffident, but that is not all... "At least you should get a master degree" was the BASIC requirement for me. To be a master is the my goal, but to fulfill his satisfaction will never be my motivation. I felt sick to be under such a pressure, a pressure from him as well as his family. The scene flashed back to two years ago, when the silly me asked him "Will you marry me one day?" "Well, i am not so sure as so many factors will affect us." was the answer shocked me to hold a disconnected jaw and a disabled mind. "..But,but why would you be with me now, why did you chase me if you don't intend to marry me, to share your life with me? i mean..i mean,i thought the intension of loving somebody should be..." finally i managed to burst out the words. "Well, i guess fate takes a hand, that's our destiny which brought us together." "Fate?? Destiny??" i was mumbling to myself with a cloud over my mind...
My life was changed because of him. I was following the instructions. "Your future will be brilliant if you do so and so now." Yes, i did and i found myself improved a lot in all aspects. But i always had some weird feeling, but failed to describe in words. Till one day, when i woke up from my dream,a question emerged on my mind "Where am i? and who am i?" I realized i wasn't living in reality all the while, i was in someone's dream, doing what someone tells me to do and that someone is my boyfriend. I am not who i am, i am a kind of material which was squeezed into a template to make the one whom he expected me to be. If the outcome turns out to be good, he will accept, else, he will just walk away to find another raw material. God! what's the bottom line? i don't dare to think anymore. "What a pathetic me!", i was sweating all over my body.
...
Here, i am alone under the same sky. There are something i want to tell you,my BOYFRIEND,"Maybe you are right, you are always right as far as great future is concerned. Maybe i am not aggressive and shortsighted. But i really feel there are too much realities involved in our love, I feel tired to enjoy the so-called the most wonderful sensation in one's life. I want to do what my heart tells me to do. Maybe one day you will have the great feeling of being on top of the world, but you can never experience the happiness of being content and appreciated to what you have in hand. Different people have different life, maybe we are just magnet to rubber. Well, Destiny? To a fine couple, meeting each other is maybe destiny, to us,that's just a coincidence."
