A few days ago, when I went to the local public security boreal to fetch my passport, I met the father of one of my classmates in junior high school, and go to know she would also go to the University of Sydney for further education. I was overjoyed, and jot down her telephone number, afterwards, I called her out. It has been nearly 7 years since we last saw each other, but both of us managed to recognize each other at the first sight. Then we took a seat in MacDonald’s and had a long chat.
Our conversation just went on and on, all kinds of topics arouse naturally, after all, we hadn’t met each other for ages, and so many had happened to us. We used to be intimate friends dues to the similar misery situation. At that time, both of us performed badly in study and we behaved more childish than the kids of our age, so we turned out to be sneered by a group of naughty boys. Nevertheless, we were too young and too timid to fight them back, all we did was pretended to keep calm, though our self-esteem was really at pain. So many years have passed, but it remains fresh in my mind that I wept almost everyday in the corner without anybody else at present after class during those three years. When looked back to these black days, both of us got to silence for a while with a smile, but I knew there were much more behind this complex facial expression.
“I will never forget this shame, and even in the rest of my life! You know, I really felt extremely hurt at such a young age, from then on, I kept telling myself one thing, that was, to be strong, to be the No.1, and never to be looked down upon by others!” I broke the silence first, and spoke out what was really on me.
She listened to me calmly, without any facial expression, and then said, “Of course, I know how you suffered, after all we were once in the same boat, but Joan, and don’t you think you’ve been driven too aggressive?”
I looked into her eyes directly, “Never had I denied the fact that I was aggressive now, and I thought it was much better than what I used to be.”
“So that’s it, you know, there’re small changes in your appearance, but when I look at you, you really seem to be strange to me, to some extent, your character has got through a dramatic change.”
Hearing this, I couldn’t help smiling, “Yes, everything is changing so rapidly in this world, including you and me!” I emphasized the word “You” on purpose.
“So you also think I’m not the little girl you got to know long ago? ” she moved her body slightly and gave me a graceful smile.
“Sure. You look confident now, but less aggressive.”
“You said it. I’m confident in myself, especially after I got to know the fact that those who used to laugh at me actually performed badly than I did, so I chose to forgive them, forgive their ignorance.”
“But on the part of me, I won’t forgive them, all they did had left an incurable scar in my heart, I always want to prove something. Yes, I want to prove I will be able to live with applause and flowers rather than ridicule.”
“I also dream of success, that’s why I chose to go abroad, but not for show. I’m convinced that I can do a good job, so I needn’t prove anything to anybody else.” Her smile remained the same, and I knew sheer confidence was at its full play.
“I must point out one thing for you, Joan, your words have actually betrayed you, you are still a kid, though different from the one I used to know.”
Her smile seemed to penetrate my soul, I was shocked, and could hardly say even a single word.
Slowly, I replied, “Yes, you’ve successfully broke my mask, the very thing behind my aggressiveness is immaturity together with the impulse of protecting me far away from the possible hurts.”
“Listen, ambition is really a good thing, but you have to make best of it, so just give yourself space to think and reason, I’m sure you will know what I really meant, as I’m always convinced that you are smart.”
I couldn’t help smiling once again but with little pain, “’smart’, such a familiar word to me, but it doesn’t go alone, instead, with something else, you know.”
“What’s it?”
“Pride and immaturity.” I replied calmly, but my inner world had been brought to the past days when I worked as a student teacher in a high school.
I could hardly forget the remarks the guidance teacher made on me, namely, smart but proud, conscientious but immature. In fact, my performance was the best among all the student teachers in my group, as I was the first one to come to the school for work, but the last one to go home, though my home was the furthest from that high school. Moreover, I was in charge of two different grades, so my work was much more as compared with theirs. At first, I just did what I was obliged to do, without any complaints, but later, when I found my entire peers did little work and led a easy life, I could not keep calm any more, hence, I began to make complaints, which were late heard by my guidance teacher. Then she just had a heart-to-heart talk with me, she said she knew I was excellent in the jobs that I had already done, and I really wanted to do the best job, but the problem is that it’s of no meaning to make any noise. What’s even worse, it would give others a negative image, which may change the previous good impression I had made on others. I felt so ashamed, and I realized to be successful really means too much that’s even beyond my imagination. Sparing no strain to do the work is only one thing, but to deal with the other things is also very necessary. I suddenly got to know society is an even larger class for us all.
I told her about my story, and she nodded from time to time, “So that’s it, as you said, society is the largest class, suppose we are abroad now, I’m sure you will change more, maybe both aggressive and modest. You know my meaning, right?”
I nodded, “of cause, base the ambition on the confidence.”
Those were the last words we had to each other. There’re many conversations in one’s life, but as for me, this one will always be unforgettable.
