Survival without a girlfriend
I specially dedicate this article of mine to all those single men and women who
are not being properly taken care of during the so-called season of love. I hope
there will be more and more friends who would be encouraged to write their own
similar stories after mine, just for a break in life.
It was truly embarrassing that lately a few caring friends I had known since college asked me over the Internet about my current marital status, and I kept replying them in conspicuous half shy letters: “Well, I am still single and I don’
t even have a girlfriend to begin with!”, then there they would go: “What? Think about it, man! Do not set your standard too high! Time and tide and your age
won’t wait for you! Besides, rushing into marriage at your 30s won’t be a good
idea. At least get a girl first for heaven’s sake. She would shine your face…”
“What? Not even having a girlfriend? Liar! Liar! Liar! Or you must be now taking a multiple choice question, eh?” “Ok, good! I don’t have a partner either…
.DAMN! We can pat on each other before those paired suckers take their bite on us….”
What? Did I sound that pathetic when I announced the whole world that I DO NOT HAVE A GIRLFIREND? Am I pretending to be an innocent person that “hunting for love” is too cheeky a phase to be written visibly in my book? Or am I now stricken so dazzled over love mysteries that, at the age of 25, after one disastrous shattered memory of romance a few year ago, the possible marriage, I can never stand up straight to win back what I duly deserve? I know, as the number of my age
grows bigger, my hiding place will get narrower and narrower till I get squeezed
out and find no place to be sheltered. But, for now, I am still surviving and probably would survive another day of girlfriendlessnes.
Most of the people I know here recognize me as a very young, boyish looking college teacher. So inevitably I have fallen victim to their worldly wisdom and cliché-like stereotype, “thou shalt be with a woman for thy true happiness resides
in her.” This Chinese way of biblical-sounding sentence sends my hair on end.
It sounds like my body and soul has been bound up by a woman. Everywhere I go people will talk about the woman and let her teeth sink deeper into my skin.
To me, love is purely natural. Anything pushy, artificial or not so naturally designed will surely ruin my hope for a possible romantic story. Especially, when
I am walking with girls, no matter female colleagues or girl students, I am suspicious of committing a sin of secret love. It is as if everywhere there are a whole team of detectives that have been watching me and detecting every sign of a
possible love move. Because of this, I never try to touch a female near me, not
even when she is falling into the dark watery ditch where no sigh of love could
be found. Worse still is that I can hardly make myself walk side by side with a
woman. I am clouded over by a latent misunderstanding that needs volumes and volumes of words for clarification. So I walk solo and let Nature take me to wherever she pleases. This makes me feel at ease as well as at loneliness. Suddenly I
lost all my female friends and they all ran away and returned strangers. I am so
fearful and watchful when taking any single step.
I must survive. Don’t let the well-meaning words of those sympathizers take control of my head. I love but let me love my love and love naturally.
I thank all those kind-hearted friends and colleagues, and even my students (there are a few of them who even once shouted out after me: “Mr.Yue, it is time to
get a girlfriend!”, rather seriously!) all of whom take great care of and interest in my love prospects. I feel like being put in the centre and getting a great deal of attention. Great! But in love, it is no gonna work. I just get more confused. Time? I always think love is timeless. Why then give love a time set and make you avowal that you will love her forever. An artificially timed love will end in due time. I do not mean death here.
I must survive this age, without a girlfriend till I can figure out love all on
my own.
Reading helps me a lot. It has a sobering effect on my mind while the socializing part of me is attempting to lure me out of peace, into headlong blindness of love.
Music is a good choice for good companionship. It digs out my soul from the buried depths so I can talk to it and remain true to myself.
Well, I write sometimes. Every piece of writing is a like window to look through
into my heart, a journey of soul searching. So I can know myself better and grasp a deeper meaning of life.
I am surviving and surviving without a girlfriend.
charlie
